The Guilt of Not Bringing in a Paycheck

Part 2 of The One-Income Diaries

When I decided to stay home, I thought the hardest part would be taking care of another human being without help or figuring out how to entertain toddlers on a $0 budget. But nothing prepared me for the guilt. I didn't know how guilty I would feel about not bringing in an income.

It wasn’t forced on me by my spouse. It wasn’t something anyone said out loud. It was the quiet, creeping thought that followed me through every day:

“You’re not contributing.”

Every Dollar Felt Like It Wasn't "Mine"

There’s something weird that happens when you stop making your own money. Suddenly, everything feels like a favor—even the groceries you picked out for your family. I started seeing our money as “his money,” even though we never intended it to be that way and he never, ever, said that.

I’d skip things for myself constantly. A new haircut? Maybe once it gets longer. A coffee with a friend? We have coffee at home, I'll just go and get water and chat. I hadn’t bought clothes for myself in years, not because anyone told me I couldn’t—but because I didn’t feel like we had the money to spend on ME.

I’d catch myself stressed every time I needed to spend. “Oh no, we’re out of diapers again. Diapers are expensive, how can I save money on them?” “We need dog food. That's expensive too. I'll get the smallest bag for now.” “Ugh, I spent $4 on the kids’ random snack today. They could have just eaten the lunch I had for them and been ok.” Every expense felt like a burden, and I started to believe that I was the burden.

The Silent Pressure to "Do Something"

I started obsessing over ways to bring in money. I researched side hustles at midnight. I joined survey sites, signed up for cash-back apps, and even started community garage sales with my friend (which was mostly just stressful to coordinate but it did bring in some money). Every time I started a new "money making idea" I felt my husband's eyes roll. How long will this one last?

It wasn’t just about wanting extra money. It was about proving to myself that I still had value. That I was capable. That I wasn’t just “living off” someone else.

I wanted to contribute. Desperately.

But Guilt Isn’t a Budgeting Tool

The truth is, guilt doesn’t pay the bills—and it doesn’t make motherhood any easier either. If anything, it made me less present. I wasn’t enjoying the gift of being home with my kids because I was constantly thinking about what I wasn’t doing.

It made me defensive, anxious, and disconnected. And it took me a long time to realize that the value I bring to this family isn’t just financial—it’s emotional, mental, and physical. It’s showing up, day after day, even when I feel invisible. I may not bring in all the money but I do almost everything else! That's definitely worth something. In fact, if you were to actually calculate your salary, stay at home parents should be paid well over $150,000 a year for their contributions. Look it up, people have done the math.

Coming Next:

➡️ Part 3 – Side Hustles, Burnout, and Couponing Like My Life Depended on It. I’ll be sharing every random hustle I tried to “fix” the money guilt, how it nearly broke me, and why I now approach earning money completely differently.